You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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