Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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