I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
