Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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