oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
