he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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