Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
