so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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