I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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