First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I have post one night stand depression
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
