I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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