the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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