i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
