Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
