I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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