If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
