there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
