Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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