it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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