Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
