shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
