I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
