what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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