you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
