Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
