Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
