I smell stomach acid.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
