The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
