I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
