well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The uberlube is also flammable
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
