Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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