a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
