My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
