I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he puts the penis in happiness.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
