Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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