As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
