If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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