I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
we're so committed to being not committed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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