Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
