please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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