I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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