My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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