wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
