Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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