Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
