So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
