just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Im part way to drunk.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
