This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
