Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
