a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
