they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
