Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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