you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
People with herpes should wear stickers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
