I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
