Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
