His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
