Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
