my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
